As a recovering alcoholic, I frequently face triggering situations, some more overwhelming than others. In fact, I could probably (and maybe will) write an entire series about triggers. Perhaps you are also navigating how to deal with your former (and present) triggers – and how to cope with these anxiety-inducing circumstances without returning to the bottle or your substance of choice. I wish I was here to deliver the answer or some magical potion that would fix this for us – but what I do intend to provide is what has worked for me, in the hopes that perhaps one of these anecdotes might reach the right people and in turn, help them, too.
Over the past 3ish years and counting, I have amassed quite the collection of quotes and mantras; absorbed beautifully written quit lit by the likes of Laura McKowen and Annie Grace; run thousands of miles in my quest for peace (and some level of forgiveness of self) from my active addiction; made messes and mistakes; and put one foot in front of the other, often making it all up as I go.
One of my favorite mantras, which I believe I initially came across on Instagram, is, “Do the next right thing.” This saved me most recently, after a series of slips and the panic that comes with trying to get back on track, and has even inspired another similar concept, which is the idea of “getting over the brain hump”. What I mean by that is: when you are triggered by something – and maybe you are also seeing red with anger or rage – it is very difficult to get your mind over the hump to the other side, away from wanting to drink or use your substance of choice.
On a Saturday in early December, I was extremely PMS and dealing with my relentless PMDD + related depression – and the Noisy Neighbors were having a particularly loud day with their cabinets, doors, and of course, their dog, aka “the yap”. My boyfriend, M, had left for a social obligation and I had yet to figure out where I was going to run (I frequently go on “field trips” on the weekends to get in my long training runs and escape to the solitude of the trails). I was so overwhelmed by my depression; inability to make a decision about where to run; life; the irritation of living next to to the noisiest people on the planet; and the feeling that none of the aforementioned will ever resolve themselves, that I was naturally very triggered to drink and started having those scary thoughts of acting on it.
Miraculously, I was able to put together an “emergency plan” and eventually get my brain over the hump of feeling like I needed to drink. The first step is letting a loved one know how you’re feeling: I texted M to tell him that I was very triggered and desperately needed to get out of the house in the afternoon and/or as soon as he returned. He is extremely supportive of my recovery and naturally agreed that we needed to get away for a bit. We ended up at a creamery in the countryside (of course!) – and removing myself from (most of) the triggers was exactly what I needed. Sometimes taking yourself out of the situation is the answer. While it doesn’t necessarily fix or resolve what initially triggered you, I do find that a change of scenery can do a lot of good.
The other crucial piece of advice (what has worked for me, at least), is finding something that you can indulge in, that isn’t self-destructive and doesn’t compromise your sobriety. For me, that is ice cream – and lots of it! I am very fortunate to be in a relationship with someone who also has a sweet tooth and appreciates frozen treats as much as I do – and will drive all over the state with me to find new creameries and ice cream joints for us to enjoy together.
As we, in recovery, continue on our quest for peace from the past and endeavor to recover from our active addiction, we will always face triggering situations. That is simply a fact of life, unfortunately. But there is great pride in overcoming these triggers, in living to see another sober day; in getting over the “brain hump” and in figuring out what works in those moments of extreme panic. When we fall down or slip, there is always hope to get back on track: the person you have become in your sobriety, on your path towards healing, is still there, no matter how terrible the day was or how insurmountable the triggers were. For me, it’s about being a better version of myself and continuing to build on my sobriety success – and it’s also about using my struggle for good. Triggers are all temporary: if you can get through that which used to push you over the edge and lead you to self-medicate, you can do anything! Change is possible – and may we all continue to learn as we go and ultimately triumph over our triggers.